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Ask Michelle – Your “Family Therapist” – HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR CHILD’S PRIMARY LOVE LANGUAGE

KIDS LOVESpotting your child’s primary love language may take time, but there are clues everywhere! Why is this important, because when a child feels loved, he is more responsive to parental guidance in all areas of his life.
Discovering your child’s love language is a process; it takes time, especially when your child is young. Using the following methods can be very helpful –
Spotting your child’s primary love language may take time, but there are clues everywhere! Why is this important, because when a child feels loved, he is more responsive to parental guidance in all areas of his life.
Discovering your child’s love language is a process; it takes time, especially when your child is young. Using the following methods can be very helpful –
1. Observe How Your Child Expresses Love to You –
Often a young child will use words of appreciation such as, “Thanks for helping me with my homework Dad,” or “Mommy, I loved dinner.” You can rightly suspect that his language of love is affirmation.
This method isn’t as effective with teens, particularly those who are accomplished in manipulation.
2. Observe How Your Child Expresses Love to
Others –
If your first-grader wants to take a present to his teacher, this may indicate that his love language is receiving gifts.
A child whose language is gifts receives tremendous pleasure from getting presents and wants others to enjoy this same pleasure. He assumes that they will feel what he does when they receive a gift.
3. Listen to What Your Child Requests Most Often –
If your child asks you often to play games with him, take a walk together, or sit and read a story to him, he’s requesting quality time. If his requests seem to fit a pattern, he is asking for what he needs most emotionally, namely, your undivided attention.
4. Notice What Your Child Most Frequently
Complains About –
If he complains, “You don’t have any time for me lately,” or “We never go to the park without the baby,” he is probably revealing more than a simple frustration at the coming of a new baby. He is expressing that since the baby has arrived, he is feeling less love from you.
In his complaints, he is clearly requesting quality time.
5. Give Your Child a Choice Between Two Options –
Lead your child to make choices between two love languages. For example, a father might say to a ten-year-old, “I’m getting off work early Friday, do you want to go fishing, or can I help you pick out the new basketball equipment you need? Which do you prefer?”
As you give your child options for several weeks, keep a record of his choices. This will identify his love language.
For those of my readers who have not read my previous five articles on the language of children’s love, please use the keywords – “Ask Michelle” and search the archives of the southshore press! happy hunting!
South Shore Counseling & Mediation Center is a full service mental health agency, offering CBT counseling, EFT modalities – (tapping), therapeutic counseling, a variety of behavioral and psycho-educational programs and divorce mediation. To speak with one of our therapists please call 631-286-8282, e-mail us at SSCounseling1@optonline.net or visit our website, Southshorecounselingcenter.net.

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